Anny’s World

I spent the past week and two days at Keely’s house and I had a huge reality check about many things…

Reality Check #1: Waking up feeling lonely = Worst Feeling Ever
On Sunday, it was the first time in a long time that I woke up feeling very lonely. I had no plans with anyone that day, nothing planned for myself to do, and I had no one around me. The last time I felt this way was when I was living by myself two years ago and every weekend, I would wake up feeling lonely. At that time, good thing I had date there to keep me company and we used to board and club a lot with Son, Roomie, and the UPenn crew. I realized that feeling is such a scary feeling. Of course, the first thing I did was call home cuz I know I can just talk to my parents or brother. I ended up talking to my dad (which will be the topic of my #2 reality check.) Then later that day, I called my roommates and made Tracy have dinner with me. I really really hated the feeling…so then I realized that it’s the reason why I fill my time up with all these random things (volunteering, working two jobs, taking all these classes, etc.) so that I never have to feel that way. Alicia always calls these things “noise” b/c I fill my life with “noises” so I don’t have to go think about other stuff like feelings and relationships and the past. So yeah, even though I feel like my life is crazy and I have very little free time, it keeps me from feeling lonely.

Reality Check #2: What’s the worst that could happen?
So I was talking to my dad and I told him that I was considering going to University of Phoenix to get my MBA. Then, my dad says to me, “But I thought you wanted to go to Berkeley for your MBA.” Then I explained to him that University of Phoenix is cheap, you don’t have to take the GMAT, and plus my GPA sucks. Then my dad told me that, “But you wanted to go to Berkeley, if you try, what’s the worst that could happen? You just don’t get in, then you can always go to University of Phoenix.”

Reality Check #3: Love, Timing, Marriage
On Sunday morning when I talked to my dad, he asked when I was getting married. I told him never. Then Sunday night, my mom calls me and I talked to her for a while. I’ve been telling her for the longest time that I am not going to get married. She has been taking it really well, except this past Sunday. I told her that my dad asked me when I was getting married and my response. She said, “Of course you’re going to get married. You just haven’t found someone you want to marry.” Then I reminded her that she once told me she didn’t marry my dad because she loved him but it was because it was time to marry so for the past few years, I operated on the assumption that you really don’t need to love someone to marry them. She told me, that’s not true, of course she loved my dad too, that’s why she married. (I know she’s denying it now, but she did tell me that she didn’t love him when they got married.) But my thoughts are at this point in my life, I really don’t want to get married. Who knows, in the future, I may change my mind and then find a guy I want to marry. Or I will find a guy who will convince me I want to marry. But bottom line, I believe that it doesn’t take that long for two people to head down the path of marriage. If the timing is right and the two people are compatible and headed towards the same direction, they can easily get married in a month or two.

Reality Check #4: He’s Just Not That Into You
I had a huge ass reality check from reading this book. It was by the writers of Sex and the City and is on Oprah’s booklist and she featured it on her show one day along with the writers. Keely saw it in People magazine and told me to get it. It talks about how guys are afraid to tell girls that they’re just not really into them, but their actions and the excuses that they make should let the girl know that he’s just not into her. The excuses can span from “they’re busy” to “they don’t want to hurt anyone” to “they’re afraid to get hurt” to “they’re afraid of commitments”, but in reality, they are just chicken shit to tell the girl the truth. So I know that it’s kind of funny that I’m more attracted to those guys who are not really into me than guys who are into me. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found someone to marry yet.

So, what am I going to do about it now? (One of Alicia’s favorite questions.)
1. I hate that feeling of loneliness so I will continue filling my life with noises. It’s inevitable.
2. One of my noises will now be studying for the GMAT and trying as hard as possible to get into Berkeley MBA.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ROOMIE, PROTEGE, AND NIECE!!!!!

They launched their online website selling a lot of cute accesories. Go visit it and buy something! Here is the website: Lil Closet

Of course, no launch is complete without a bombass launch party…

Congrats you three:

To view all the pix go to:
Niece’s Ofoto

Twin/Lil Sis’s Ofoto

This is the reason why I want a mixed kid:

I read a really good blog entry today. It was on my twin Nicholle’s blog. I swear, I always tell people that if there was a white version of me out there, this girl would be it b/c we are too similar in too many ways…kinda scary…

This was on her blog:

“Fatal Flaw” essay:

“The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don’t think I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it’s kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still… It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected… Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict. You’re not killing anyone — except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we’re like this different person. I think it’s smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn’t even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank god, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever. That you’ll never have to change again. It probably won’t work out that way, though, since things will keep changing. That’s one thing I know a lot about: whether you like it or not, stuff keeps happening all the time. And not always for the better. Usually not, it seems. But maybe it gets easier. Hopefully that first change doesn’t hurt too much, it doesn’t kill you, you don’t lose any limbs or an eye — or a friend. Then you figure you can do it again. It’s like when you have to move something really heavy, like a couch, or a car that ran out of gas. You can hardly budge it at first, but once it finally starts to move, it gets a lot easier to push the rest of the way. As long as you don’t stop pushing. So I guess you can keep changing… a little at a time, once you get started. You sort of have to, because if you don’t — if you stop and freeze up again — then you still have that same flaw you started with after all. So you just have to take a chance. Push yourself. Take that first step outside the box and hope it’s not too horrible. And enough small changes can eventually add up, until finally you really are different. Even enough for other people to notice, not just you. That probably has something to do with growing up.”

You can also keep updated on her voluminous life at: Twin’s Blog

Before summer started this year, I made the decision to take it off. I didn’t want to take any classes, didn’t want to volunteer, didn’t want to do anything except maybe just sit at home and rest. However, I think after the summer ended, I realized that there was too much fun out there to have and I simply got bored too easily sitting at home…this summer, I ended up doing:
-Retired partier me went clubbing 4-5 times
-Went to barbeques and picnics
-Went sailing around the bay twice
-Went to the Asian Art Museum Geisha show twice
-Went down to LA 5 times and went to Vegas and saw Celine Dion
-Saw 2 hula shows and Moving Out
-Watched both Mochi and Dingaling
-Babysat for Kendell and Blake twice
-Had tons of dinners with friends I haven’t seen in a while
-Volunteered at SF Food Bank, Aids Life Cycle, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival
-Corrupted a 11 year old at Hooters but making up for it at a Giants game
-Was a BO biatch
-Turned 26
-At least I still didn’t take any classes, although I was supposed to sign myself up for hip hop class.

Overall it was a great summer, one of the most memorable…thus, below is a link to all the pictures from the summer. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS MADE IT MEMORABLE!!!!!

Summer 2004 Pix